Love Life of a Werewolf
by Helena Oe
Summary: Remus Lupin is drowning in grief until a mysterious and fiery woman emerges from his past. (The rating is borderline, just as a warning)


Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling and not to me.  Too bad.

Love Life of a Werewolf

She died.  I always knew it would happen; somehow, I sensed it… but I guess that's a given.  When I first found out I was walking down the street to get a morning coffee on the way to the office.  Well, not the office- my office.  Anyway, that's not the point; the point is that as I walked to the coffee shop I ran, quite literally, into Lilly Potter.  She seemed so distraught, but I guess I couldn't blame her.  The first words out of her mouth were, "Austa, she's dead!" and after a choked up tear or two, "Marsha's dead, a Death Eater got to her." I suppose I cared at the time. 

          And that was the moment that I found out that Marsha to-be Lupin had died, leaving Remus Lupin heartbroken.  Of course, that was the first thing to enter my mind, nothing concerning that Death Eaters had taken the life of one of us, or how terrifying the poor girl's last moments must have been.  All I cared about was the gape in Remus' heart that I could feel even at the first.

          The next time I saw Remus Lupin was at her funeral.  He didn't look at me and I hadn't expected him to, so no one was surprised really- him to see me there, or me to see him see me there.  But I can guarantee that I looked at no one else.

          I suppose it's been three years since I've seen Austa Oe, though I don't think she saw me.  It was at the funeral of my fiancée, Marsha and I didn't want to bring attention to it, but in my heart I knew she'd come, even after all she had done to us.  Even after everything, I still had a soft spot for her on that day, and I wanted nothing more than to hear her feelings on the death of our dear friend.  She was never very close to Marsha, but in my eyes no one was, so I doubt I would have found anything new from her on the subject.  But with Austa, it's not really what she talks about, it's more the fact that she talks. 

          The first time I saw her was in school in fourth year on the first day of school when she was ushered into the Great Hall to be sorted into Gryffindor, my house, and I applauded along with the rest of the Gryffindors.  There was something different between her and me than any of the rest of them though, for when she was sitting beneath the hat, our eyes met- those solemn, olive-green eyes of hers delved deep into mine, and she smiled.  A life-changing smile.

          Remus Lupin paced his flat three years after his fiancée's death, looking through old pictures in one hand and holding a mug of coffee in the other hand.  He was 25 years old, but if you looked at him, you'd think he was 40.  His hair was graying slightly in areas, and the deep lines around his mouth had been formed by what seemed like years without laughter.  In three short years he had lost not only his wife to-be, but also six friends, two of which had been the only friends he had had since his first year at Hogwarts.  He was the only one left, it seemed, and he preferred to keep it that way by avoiding relationships, avoiding social situations, and avoiding people in general.  He had even left the Order out of grief. 

          After going through the pictures about thirty times, he stopped in front of the window and widened his eyes at a familiar face beneath him. The almond-shaped, olive-green eyes were the same.  The pronounced cheekbones and the thick, naturally red lips were the same.  Even the focused, plaintive expression had not changed.  It was Austa Oe, be it with shorter hair.

          Austa Oe left her flat, as she always did, at nine o'clock a.m., three hours exactly after she always woke.  Today she had a different route, however.  She was hosting a birthday party for her cousin, Ainslee.  Ainslee and she had been born the only child to twin, husbandless sisters, on the same day of the same year at the same hour, minute, and second.   They took their first breath at the same moment and for this reason, Austa was willing to put up with a little cheer for one night for her cousin's sake.  As the birthday bash was planned for that evening, she decided to take a detour on her daily trip to the bookstore and check out some fresh flowers. 

          As she passed beneath a tall apartment building, she caught the eyes of a man she had not seen for three years.  He looked old, but still handsome and, in her eyes, perfect.  She averted her eyes the moment she saw him, for she didn't want him to see the tears in her eyes.  She hurried down the street, the flower stand in focus.  The daffodils sparkled in the early morning dew, just like her olive-green eyes.

          Remus grabbed his coat and ran down the stairs three at a time.  His heart was beating rapidly, almost as fast as his feet were beating the pavement.  In those moments after he saw her, his past flew in front of him.  For the past three years he had wanted nothing more than to lose all human influence, and yet now, he wanted nothing more than her, and her words.  And her smile.

She had already gotten so far ahead of him that he nearly fainted from relief when he saw that she had stopped at the flower stand up the street.

          She had no idea that he was behind her.  She was trying desperately to calculate the cost of the daffodils, but mathematics seemed strangely difficult with his face in her mind.  As she clutched a handful of the yellow flowers and closed her eyes in concentration, a voice shook her thoughts.

          "I like the tulips better," Remus said, still out of breath.

          She opened her eyes, gasping, as if being lifted from water moments before drowning.  "Yes," she stammered, "they're beautiful."

          She dropped the daffodils to the street and took the bundle of tulips he held.  Both avoided each other's eyes during the minutes of silence that passed.  Finally Austa spoke.  "I'd like three dozen tulips," she told the flower-seller.

          "That'll be $48 for the mixed arrangement."

          "Yes, of course."

          She searched through her suddenly enormous purse, looking for her wallet, not realizing that she had put it in her pocket to make it easier on herself.  Ironically, it had made it much harder.  After frantically searching for her money, she closed her purse in terror only to see the man taking Remus' money and Remus pull her away by the elbow.

          "Thank you so much," she said once they were considerably far along the street.

          "Don't worry about it," Remus said softly.

          "If you'll come back to my flat, I can pay you," Austa started, but immediately realized that she had gone too far too fast.  "I mean," she recovered, "it would probably be easier for me to bring you the money some time at your flat, rather than coming all the way to mine… since it's quite far from here."

          "I'm in no hurry," Remus said, with the same calmness in his voice.  She wondered at how he could be so calm and she so nervous, "I'd love to come to your flat.  I could help you with the flowers.  Is there an occasion?"

          Austa nodded, "It's my cousin's birthday today.  Well, in all actuality, it's my birthday too, but we celebrate my birthday on our half-birthday, so that we both get our own day.  We've done it since we were children.  Our mothers thought it would be most fair."

          "You have the same birthday as your cousin?"

          "To the second."

          "That's incredible."

          "Not really.  Our mothers were conjoined twins when they were children, before they were separated, and they liked the idea of their daughters making it a tradition.  So, when they both happened to go into labor within hours of each other, they decided to go for it.  I wanted to come faster than Ainslee did, so my mother had to stop pushing and her mother had to be given medication to speed the labor."  Austa realized she was giving him much too much information.  "Anyway, with their combined efforts we were born and took our first breaths at the same moment."

          "I wish I had a story like that."

          "I'm sure you do," Austa said, looking into his eyes for the first time since she had seen him in the window.

          Remus looked at the ground quickly.  His mind searched for an appropriate subject.  "How long has it been would you say since we last saw each other?"

          "Three years, four months, and five days."  Somehow, she didn't regret saying that.

          "My answer would have been much more approximate."

          "Well, it's an interesting thing that it's been three, four, five.  I guess I just took notice of it."

          They walked in silence again, both enjoying the sheer fact that they were side by side one another.  Lupin thought of taking her hand, but decided against it.  Talking was enough.

          "How have you been holding up, Remus?" she suddenly asked, stopping mid-street. 

          "Not well," he said after consideration.

          "That's an understatement."

          "But not a lie."

          They continued walking.  Remus offered to take the flowers from her, and she accepted gratefully, it was a chance to warm her hands a bit.

          "How have you been?"  Remus asked, deciding it was polite to repeat the question.

          "Not well either, but I'm nothing compared to you."  Austa laughed under her breath.  "You know how I know you."

          "Something I'll never grasp."  Lupin looked at her while walking down the road.  He noticed how much shorter her hair was than the last time he had seen her.  It used to fall, cascading down her back in soft blonde curls worthy of a medieval princess. Now, it was just as thick, but hung just to mid-neck, and completely unstyled.  He liked it.  "When did you cut your hair?"

          "Oh, I did, didn't I?" Austa reached her hand up to feel her short curls.  "I guess it was the day after my husband died."

          Remus' heart bounced to his throat, leaving him momentarily paralyzed.

          "Your husband?" it seemed harder to say than he would've liked to admit.  "When did that happen?"

          "Only six months after we last saw each other.  He died last year… I shaved my head"

          "Did I know him?"

          "You knew his brother, very well, I think.  He was in my grade, Arthur Weasley's youngest brother.  Personally, I thought he was the handsomest of the bunch, but I guess my opinion's swayed, isn't it?  His name was Conner and he was a very good man."

          "Why did I never find out?" Remus asked in desperation, as if he could achieve a wedding invitation now by interrogating the widow.

          "We eloped," she said smiling at the memories, "Nobody found out until after we had done it."

          "Romantic."

          "No, spontaneous."  Austa laughed out loud and said, "Conner was never romantic, but he was spontaneous.  He was optimistic and happy and completely laid back."  Still laughing, as if telling a joke, she turned to Remus, "He was everything you're not."

          "Somehow, that's not the most pleasant thing to hear," Remus said, wincing.

          "Oh, don't be upset.  It was the same way with Marsha."

          Remus stopped, looking injured.

          "I'm sorry," Austa said quietly, "It wasn't the same.  You loved Marsha."

          "Yes, I did, and I don't know what you meant by that comment, but you'd better hope it wasn't an insult…" he was fuming.

          "Are you threatening me, Remus?" she asked calmly.  "I didn't mean it as an insult, I mean it merely as a piece of irony.  The woman you loved was everything that I'm not, and the man that I married was everything that you're not."

          Remus caught up to Austa, breath taken by her former logic.  It was something refreshing, something that he deserved to have happened long ago. 

          "This is my place," she said turning into a small, cottage-like house with a garden of delphinium and blue bell in front.

          "It's nice," Remus said, surveying the location as he would one of his spells in school, with the utmost curiosity and seriousness.  This didn't seem like the home of intense Austa Oe.  It seemed that she would live in a tomb, or the highest tower of a castle, locked away from the world.

          They walked into the homey cottage and she began putting the flowers in water after suggesting that he sit.  He obliged. 

          "I heard you stopped practicing," he said, settling himself.

          "Magic?" she asked.  He nodded.  "Yes, well, Ainslee is a muggle and that was hard enough, but when I married Conner, and found out that he was a Squib… well, you can imagine it would kill him to be married to someone who showed off her 12 OWLs."

          "What did you get on your NEWTs?  It seems like I'd heard about your OWL score, but I never did find out about your seventh year exams."

          "That would be because I never stuck around.  I stayed at Hogwarts through my sixth year, but somehow, one more year seemed unbearable."

          "How could you say that?  That school was my home, my sanctuary."

          "I know, I was in Gryffindor; I saw your life, and how wonderful it was.  I mean, if you looked at me during school you'd know why I didn't exactly feel at home."

          "For how little we actually talked, it seems like we really knew a lot about each other."

          "Oh, it's never been about talking with me, you know that."

          Remus nodded.  "You've always known me, and known everything I'm thinking, everything that's going to happen to me."

          "I'd like it a lot better if it happened with everyone, I could really make money in the muggle entertainment business."

          "Yeah."  They both stopped talking and stared unabashedly at each other, unashamed of each other's eyes, finally.  Remus stood and walked toward Austa, meeting her halfway across the room.  "You know me, Austa," he whispered unexpectedly in her ear.  "What am I going to do next?"

          Austa knew.  "Don't, Remus.  You'll be so hurt forever."

          "Why?  Why would I be hurt?" he said calmly, turning his back on her.  "Can't anything happen without me getting hurt?" he shouted passionately and fell to his knees in tears.

          Austa ran and held him as he sobbed into her hair.

          God, he was beautiful that night.  I don't think he's ever looked as beautiful as that night at Ainslee's birthday party.  He looked so nervous and awkward, almost as if he were an adolescent again.  I suppose that would be poetic justice, because I never got to experience him as an adolescent.  I never got to experience his awkward stage, and all he saw of me for the few years we were together in school was awkward.  I remember that he stayed at the corner table where the sandwiches were located and fingered the vase of green tulips endlessly.  He told me later that he thought the green ones were the prettiest.  Apparently, they remind him of my eyes.

          I had never been more uncomfortable.  Here I was, in a party, of all things, with people I didn't know and food I hadn't prepared myself.  A part of me honestly wanted to die.  Another part was in heaven, with her.  She seemed so friendly and so happy to all the people who had come to be with her cousin.  I was selfish and happy to know that only I knew her truly and completely.  Only I knew how well she could lie.

          After about two hours of partying, Austa took pity on Remus and went to him, inviting him outside for a break from the party.  Remus took the chance gratefully.  That night had an especially magnificent amount of stars, and when they walked out under the blanket of cosmos, Austa told Remus that they would try to count them.  Remus would take the left side of the sky and Austa would take the right.  It ended with both of them frustrated and laughing at each other.

          They were sitting on a bench, their knees touching.  Remus leaned over, almost as if he didn't want the stars to overhear, "Do you remember that day when you were in the seventh year and I visited?"

          Austa was taken aback by the suddenness of the question.  She knew it would come up, but she didn't expect it then.  "How could I ever forget?" she managed to get out.

          Remus nodded and leaned his head back.  He took her hand and raised it to his lips, kissing it gently, while still looking up at the stars.  Austa leaned over and rest her head on his shoulder.  They sat in silence for the remainder of the night, void of any company, and in complete paradise.

          Three days later, they had seen a total of thirty-six hours of each other, alternating from his house, to her house, to cafes and book stores and everything else either of them needed or wanted to accomplish during the day.  They talked about everything under the sun until nothing was left but each other.

          "That day I was sure I loved you," Remus said between gulps of his homemade chicken soup in his family room.

          "What about the next day?  Did you love me then?" Austa asked with a mouthful of broth.

          "It's odd that I understood that.  And no, I'm afraid to say."

          "Eh," Austa shrugged, "What was I supposed to expect?  You were an adult with a respected job, all your peers admired you, and you had a gorgeous fiancée.  Do you honestly think you would have given that up for a weird little seventeen-year-old?" she took another bite of soup, almost choking on a chunk of chicken.

          "So, tell me, Miss Austa Oe Weasley, were there any problems in your marriage to Conner Weasley?" Remus asked in a rather too serious voice that made it clear he was joking.

          "Oh, well," Austa played along, "he smelt terribly, and to be perfectly honest he couldn't make chicken soup for beans, and…" she leaned in closer for dramatic effect, "the sex was horrific!"

          They both doubled over, laughing in each other's arms, leaving their bowls and lying on the carpet.

          "Tell me, Mr. Remus Lupin, were there any problems between you and Miss Marsha?"

          "Ah," Remus started with the game, but a flash of sadness flashed across his face.  Austa caught it and sat up. 

          "What is it?" she asked. 

          He sat up.  "I don't think it bothered her, but it terrified me.  I could hardly sleep at night just with the thought of it…" he stopped.  "Do I even have to go on?" he held her face in his hands and looked at her pleadingly.

          "No, Remus," Austa said, holding on to of his hands, "I know what terrified you."

          After a moment, and they were still holding the tender position, something came to Austa that made her jump.

          "God, Remus, I know you so well."  She backed up from him, petrified at the thoughts that were entering her head.

          "What did you see, Austa?" Remus was suddenly worried.

          "You were never going to marry her, were you?" Austa said softly.  "You were too afraid, Remus.  You were too afraid of yourself! Weren't you?" she shouted.

          He lowered his head in shame.

          "Did anyone know that you had broken it off?" she asked.

          "No.  I told her I couldn't go through with it the morning of the day she died.  She left my house and was abducted by Death Eaters, and I found her body that night.  I loved her, and so I didn't want to cause anyone the pain of knowing that we never would have married."

          "I know now."  Tears rose in Austa's eyes, "I just wish I would have known sooner." The tears spilled down her cheeks.  "Dammit Remus, why couldn't you have told me the day of the funeral?  You should have known I would find out eventually."

          "Yes, I knew," Remus stood, shouting and running his hands violently through his hair.  The hair that had miraculously darkened.  "Yes, you'd find out, or James would find out… I had to get away from everyone, Austa, but mostly you." His lip curled angrily at the last word.

          "I'm not going to speak, Remus," Austa said, curling up in the corner, "I'll just sleep and pray it's a dream."

          And thus they spent the night- Austa sleeping in the corner and Remus sleeping on the rug, his fingers stretched to touch her back.

          The morning light woke them, and both felt refreshed.  Remus woke first and stretched before making coffee for the two of them.  He stood, filling the coffee beans, then measuring the water when he heard Austa's footsteps approaching behind him.

          "Oh, you're up," he started, in a much better mood than the previous night, "Look, I'm sorry for everything, and I think we should discuss it calmly and hopefully get to the…"

          He stopped as he felt Austa lift his hair in the back and kiss his neck gently.  She kissed this neck and proceeded with his shoulder, arm and fingers.  Remus spun around as Austa met his eyes.

          "I thought we'd only get hurt," Remus said, as she continued to kiss down his stomach in a steady line.

          "I figure it's bound to happen anyway," Austa smiled, joining him at eye-level, "and besides, you can't tell me you weren't hurting as it is."

          "Austa," he started again, but couldn't seem to finish, as he didn't really have anything to say.

          Austa stood slightly on her toes so she could reach his lips, and kissed him, gently at first, and then with a bit more determination.  At first, Remus seemed too shocked to do anything, but he quickly caught on.  He soon graced his lips down her chin and on to her neck while his fingers played caressingly with her hair.  Austa stood back and in one graceful movement she lifted her shirt over her head and threw it to the floor.

          It was incredible.  He stood there, just looking me up and down, wanting every inch of me, I could tell.  Finally, he touched me; he ran his hands down my sides, landing on my hips, as he bent in to kiss me harder on the lips.  I closed my eyes, purely enjoying him.

          Well, for a first, they were the first breasts I had seen in three years.  But that wasn't all, she was so beautiful, and loved me so much.  I knew she had loved me forever and had fantasized about this from the moment we met; I guess I had too. 

          Remus grabbed at Austa around the legs and carried her to the living room, descending to the floor, where their bodies converged and united in an explosion of sensation, for the body, psyche and soul.

          By noon, they both lay with a quilt from the couch covering them, cuddled in each other's arms.

"Austa?" Remus said quietly, stroking her back.

          "Yes, Remus?" She turned over, facing him.

          "In all the years at school, did I ever tell you that I loved you?"

          "No, Remus.  But, I'm glad you didn't," she held his hand and kissed his palm lovingly.

          "I do love you, and I did." He leaned on his side, his face inches from hers.  "I loved you from the very moment you smiled at me.  No smile ever meant so much."

          "I know.  But people would have hated you for loving me, and people would have hated me for being loved by you."

          Remus leaned down and kissed her again.

          "Remus," Austa took his face in her hand, "out of all the deaths I've seen and you've seen, do you know which death has meant the most in my life?"

          Remus crumpled his eyebrows, not expecting that statement at all.

          "Which one?"

          "Marsha- your Marsha's death meant more to me than my husband's, my mother's, two of my best friends', everyone.  And I hardly knew her."

          "Please don't go on, Austa," Remus begged, laying his head on her chest.

          She ran her fingers through his hair and answered, "I must.  I must tell you this because it's been my source of grief of for three years."  She stopped, collecting her breath as if it pained her to speak, "Marsha's death was liberating.  It handed you to me, as if you were wrapped in shiny paper and tied with string.  You were as good as mine, and I let you walk away."  She let her hand fall limply to the ground, and Remus sat up, alarmed by her overwhelming sorrow.

          He lifted her in his arms, and sat, rocking her against the couch.  "But, my dear Austa," he said, kissing her forehead, "you have me now, and I will never walk away."

          "Do you swear?" she asked, "Do you swear by the full moon that you will never walk away from me?"

          "I swear it."

          She smiled and kissed him once more before standing and returning into her clothes.  She stopped suddenly, startled.

          "What is it?"

          "I didn't go to the coffee shop at nine o'clock," she laughed delightedly, "I always go to the coffee shop at nine o'clock exactly.  Every morning!"

          Remus laughed along with her, but didn't really understand.

          "You broke the spell," she cried, half-joking, and leaned down to redress herself.

          The day was spent in utter heaven for the two lovebirds.  They walked in the park, arm in arm, and had dinner at a fine restaurant, both dressed up more than they seemed to ever remember.  They finished dinner, their stomachs and hearts full to the brim.

          "Austa," Remus asked seriously as they came from the restaurant.

          "Yes, my love?" she asked, holding his hand tighter.

          "I had a sudden idea," he choked on his words, "and I don't know if you would be up for it, but I was thinking…"

          "Just tell me, it can't be anything that bad."

          "Would you marry me?"

          She stopped, her mouth wide open.  She began to laugh, and jumped into his arms, kissing him over and over again.

          "So?" Remus finally got out.

          "Yes," she said, "Tonight.  Only if you'll marry me tonight."

          "Let's go then."

          They strode, arm in arm, to the nearest church.  They were almost shivering from excitement as they told the priest their predicament.  He gave them the paper work and as they were signing, Remus looked up and stopped Austa's hand.

          "Austa, I just thought of something."

          "What?"

          "This was how you were married last time.  It's spontaneous… I thought you'd want it done the right way this time."

          "No," she said assuring him with her soft voice, "This time it's romantic.  It's exactly what I want.  I don't want to be your fiancée, I want to be your wife."

          "That's what I want you to be too." He kissed her and returned to the paperwork.

          Soon, they gathered in the chapel of the church, beside the priest and two of his officials as witnesses.

          "Do you," the priest finally said after a lot of rubbish, "Remus, take this woman, Austa Sage Oe, to be your wife…"

          "I do," he said, almost cutting the priest off.

          "And do you, Austa, take this man, Remus Brighton Lupin, to be your husband…"

          She smiled at Remus, and took a moment to whisper, "I do."

          "Then," the priest finally said, both Austa and Remus ecstatic, "by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife."

          They waltzed out of the church happier than either ever knew possible. 

          "So, Mrs. Lupin," Remus said as they walked back to his apartment, "What d'ya say we consummate our love for real this time?"

          "Are you saying this morning wasn't for real?" Austa pretended to swoon, then recovered with, "Gee, it seemed pretty darn real to me."

          "No, I mean to consecrate our union into one flesh."

          "Again, my dear, I thought we'd already done that."

          "Are you just being difficult because it's fun for you?"

          "Yes, do you have a problem with that?"

          He started to come after her and she squealed and ran down the streets until they got to a fountain.  He chased her around the fountain several times before diving in and catching her across the way.  He gathered her in his arms and they both fell into the knee-deep water, the fountain spilling water around them, captivating them in a kind of bubble.

          "I suppose we should do it for real this time," Austa said, caving.

          "What," Remus asked, a little surprised, "right here?"

          "It's dark, no one will see."

          He kissed her and immediately began unlacing her top.  It seemed that she was in the mood for speed as well, and in nearly half an hour both were spent.

          "That was exciting," Austa said.  "Kind of a contrast to our little adventure this morning."

          "You could say that."

          Both leaned back in the water and sighed.

          "I suppose we should be getting back to my place," Remus said, "the water's fine when you're having sex but it'll get cold."

          "I agree," Austa said, standing and leaving the fountain.  There were a few passersby who looked more than a little shocked at seeing her come from the fountain in only a white slip that was soaking wet.  She waved pleasantly at them and wished them all a good night and sweet dreams.

          Remus followed her momentarily; he had a little more to put on.  After exchanging a few more drenched kisses, he gave her a piggyback ride down the street to his house.

          "It's cloudy tonight," Remus observed.  "More cloudy than usual."

          "Yes, I wish it weren't, I'd like to count the stars."

          "Me too," he said taking her hand from above him.

          He began to hum an unknown tune when suddenly the clouds shifted, resulting in his dropping Austa to the street.

          "What was that?" Austa asked, a little hurt that he would just toss her down like that.  But immediately she knew.

          "Get out of here, Austa," he said, the change already beginning, "Please, run and I'll return to you in the morning."

          "We haven't separated for four days, do you think I'm going to leave you now?"

          "Please, Austa, I'm begging you," he said, clutching at his throat.  "I'm not myself."

          "I know, it's okay…" Austa began, but suddenly the transformation was complete and a huge, strange dog-like creature stood above her, his eyes blazing.  "Remus?" but she knew it was no good.  She was the one who knew Remus so well, and was a fool to think she could change him.

          The wolf growled and pounced at her, narrowly missing as she darted away from him.  She turned and ran, trying to get him out of the city, knowing that others would soon come and be hurt.  Soon they were in the country and she no longer feared.

          The beast struck his claw at her, taking a chunk out of her arm.  She didn't even wince.  "Fine, you beast," Austa said calmly, almost gaining the wolf's attention, "take as much as you want from me.  You've taken so much as it is."

          And with that, the wolf bent slowly, looking her in the eyes, then darted swiftly, sinking his massive teeth into her throat.  She smiled softly and fell.

          At sunrise I awoke in terror, I could only think of her.  What had happened to her?  Had she run, had she left me forever?  Somehow, I knew this wasn't true, for as well as she knew me, I knew her too and even without seeing her, I knew where she was.  I searched endlessly until I finally saw her, lying there, her bright blonde hair and fragile slip plastered in her own blood.  I bent, and knew she was not fully dead, though she should have been.  I knew she was waiting for me.

          I finally heard his breath beside me.  I heard him bend down and take my hand.  Oh, I wanted to see him, but my eyes would not look; they were blind.  I tried to move, but could not, all I could do was feel his hand in mine and hear his soft whimpering.  I wanted to tell him not to cry, I wanted to tell him that if he hadn't done it, I would have.  I wanted so badly to cry out to him not to weep over me, that he doesn't deserve any more pain.  But, then again, I brought this upon myself, and I knew from the moment I saw him in the window that I would die at his hands.  The interesting thing about it was that I was so glad.  I was so glad to die, so I did.

          He lay beside her on the grass for what seemed like hours.  Finally, he knew he had to leave.  He knew that she still loved him and that she wanted him to live.  So, standing and looking at her one last time, he turned and walked away.  And more than the death of the only woman he had ever truly loved, and more than his murderous guilt, his broken vow hurt most of all.  His vow by the full moon.


End file.
